In today’s edition of “Government Targeting: Retro Edition,” the Biden-Harris administration has decided that an alleged 30-year-old whale beheading deserves some serious legal attention.

That’s right, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is under federal investigation for allegedly decapitating a whale carcass back in 1994. The whale, which had washed up near Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, apparently met its chainsaw-wielding end at the hands of Kennedy, who then allegedly mounted the head on his minivan for a scenic drive home to New York.

Clown car chronicles: NOAA prioritizes 30-year-old whale “whodunit.”

While most of us are struggling with more important concerns, like inflation or the state of democracy, crime and the affects of illegal immigration, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has set its sights on a “crime” that took place three decades ago. Nothing screams “urgent threat to society” like a beheaded whale carcass from the Clinton era, right?

RFK Jr., who recently shifted gears from his independent presidential bid to endorsing Trump (which is WHY he’s being investigated), sees the whole thing as just another notch in the Biden-Harris administration’s well-worn lawfare belt.

Fishy governmental overreach.

It’s just another weaponization of government Kennedy said at a Trump rally recently, inferring that NOAA’s sudden interest is about as fishy as the whale he once allegedly decapitated.

Of course, the NOAA declined to comment because it’s an “open” investigation – and they are, no doubt, very busy engaging in the serious work of trying to procure Kennedy’s whale head and finding corroborating witnesses for this tragic event. After all, someone has to protect the long-deceased marine mammals of yesteryear.

Environmentalists have since chimed in, with one group demanding that Kennedy “surrender this whale skull and any other illegally collected wildlife parts to the authorities” as if the man is keeping a collection of eyes and feet and arms and things under his bed.