Move over, Pride Month…Make room for the latest addition to the calendar: Heterosexual Awesomeness Month. Yes, you read that right. The Old State Saloon in Eagle, Idaho has declared June as the official month to celebrate the unsung heroes of existence – heterosexuals. They even have their own flag.
Straight people need some celebratory time.
The Old State Saloon has decided that it’s high time straight people got some recognition for a change. While rainbow flags fly high in June, the heterosexual flags fly invisibly in the shadows because no one is celebrating them.
The bar’s owner, Mark Fitzpatrick, wants to change that and has courageously stepped up to correct this glaring oversight by introducing Heterosexual Awesomeness Month.
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Why? Because without heterosexuals, none of us would be here. What a revelation!
And to celebrate this groundbreaking truth, Fitzpatrick is offering free draft beers on Mondays to heterosexual men who dress like, well, heterosexual men. And who decides what that looks like? A judge hired specifically to evaluate just how straight your outfit looks like.
At $15 an hour, this person will hold the fate of your free beer in their hands. I guess there could be worse “tests” of whether you are heterosexual or not than looking at your clothing.
Wednesdays are the days for hetero couples.
Wednesdays are the days that offer a treat for those brave souls navigating the choppy waters of heterosexual coupling. On “Heterosexual Couples Day,” straight couples will receive a 15% discount on their bill. Nothing says romance like saving a few bucks while you marvel at the sheer audacity of celebrating your sexual orientation with such public gusto.
Sure, the LGBTQ folks will complain – but I doubt that many are customer of this bar – and they certainly don’t complain about all of the tax-payer funded drag shows, special attention, special days and freebies that they get.
A saloon for the ages.
Despite some backlash (or should we say, entirely predictable backlash), Fitzpatrick remains undeterred.
The Old State Saloon’s Facebook page has been a battlefield of love and hate. Critics have slammed the event as tone-deaf and unnecessary, while supporters rally around it as a beacon of conservative bravery in a world gone woke.
But fear not, the saloon says that everyone is welcome to celebrate straightness. That’s inclusion, after all. So anyone who complains about this is not very INCLUSIVE about things, now are they?
A dream realized.
In his spare time, Fitzpatrick is dreaming big – envisioning a community event center to support conservative ideals. Apparently, receiving evil comments from what he describes as the “extreme LGBTQ+ crowd” has only strengthened his resolve.
One might think Fitzpatrick’s efforts to market his bar as a hub of Christian, conservative, and Constitution-supporting patrons would be enough. But no, he’s gone further, with other enticing promotions like “Open Carry Coffee” and “Christian Singles Mingle.”
So this June, while others are parading in fabulous costumes and celebrating trans diversity, others will be celebrating heterosexuality at the Old State Saloon.
As the sun sets on another June filled with vibrant celebrations and diverse expressions, the Old State Saloon stands as a testament to the eclectic tapestry of our society.
Amidst the clash of ideologies, one thing remains clear: in Eagle, Idaho, everyone has a place to celebrate their own version of awesomeness. So, raise a glass – whether in support or critique – and toast to the colorful, ever-evolving dance of human expression. Cheers to a world where everyone’s ideas can find their moment in the spotlight. THAT is real inclusion.
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