If you’ve been, or are, politically active on either side of the aisle and you’ve ever given a political donation to a candidate or party then you know that once you give the first time the pitches keep on coming.

You’ll get emails, phone calls, texts, letters, and all manner of communication asking you to further contribute to a party or candidate. Some of the missives even claim to be from a nationally known political figure. As you probably realize, the political figures in question have never heard of you and have no idea that letter went out. Thus, these communications are a scam meant to fool you into sending money. Both parties use it. In them, both sides are lying through their teeth. How? Like this.

The text message- They are usually hysterically toned screeds saying that if you don’t vote for the anointed ones the world as we know will cease to exist. I made the mistake a bit ago of giving a small amount of money to Senator Susan Collins, because she showed courage voting for Brett Kavanaugh, and I regularly give to Senator Ted Cruz. Well, they must have sold or given my info to the whole bloody GOP world because I then proceeded for months to get up to a dozen texts a day begging for campaign cash. The likes of Marsha Blackburn, Tim Scott, Tom Cotton, the president, Newt Gingrich, Nikki Haley, and a host of others permitted their names to be used for text pitches that went something like this: “David, this is (insert Republican), I am personally asking you, because you are so very important to me, to support (insert Republican candidate or cause) because without you the Republic will fail and the hammer and sickle will fly over the capitol dome by noon tomorrow. Yup, tomorrow noon.” And amazingly, because they wouldn’t be doing it if it didn’t pay dividends, there must be people out there who hand out cash upon reading these hamfisted appeals to ego and paranoia. I wrote back some choice words not publishable in a family journal and now it’s down to about 2 a day. I think the remaining supplicants just want to annoy me. They are generally succeeding.

The fake poll- You’ll get a letter in the mail from a quasi-official sounding GOP organization. In it will be a supposed survey. Why are they sending this to you? Because, they will write, your opinion is vital to the president and the party as they make their daily decisions. It might even be signed by a high level office holder. At the end of the “survey” comes the pitch. They will want a small donation “to process” your vital data. Or perhaps the moolah requested will go to “administrative costs.” Uh huh.

The fake club- You’ll get a letter with posh calligraphy and letterhead jockeys to spare. In it will be a plastic card that looks like it lets you use the White House jacuzzi and raw bar at will. The letter will be an exclusive invitation to join an elite group of donors. Your status will be noted by the swanky card with (Omg!) your name already on it. Maybe there’s a scroll suitable for framing in there too. I mean, Dear God. Are there people that devoid of sense out there as to fall for this stuff? Yup, millions.