Snow – it’s not just cold and wet; it’s also slippery, icy, messy, and a pain in the rear end. Then there are the snow enthusiasts who are equally annoying: those cheery souls who can’t wait to strap on snowshoes, hit the slopes, or jog through frosty trails with their winter-loving dogs. To them, snow is magical. To the rest of us? It’s a seasonal endurance test.
For the snow-averse among us, winter isn’t a wonderland – it’s a chore. It’s something to survive, not celebrate. And for a lucky few, it’s something to escape entirely as they pack up and migrate south to Florida until spring comes back around again.
Now that Trump is set to be president soon, and in the middle of a Michigan winter no less, I’ve brainstormed a few ways to MSGA (Make Snow Great Again). But let’s be honest – was snow ever truly great to begin with? Spoiler alert: not really.
1. Build a Wall (of Snow)
Trump supporters can practice their border wall construction skills using Michigan snow. Sure, it’ll melt by spring but it’ll be a deterrent to errant “neighbors” in the meantime.
2. Snowball Filibuster
Imagine local and state politicians channeling their inner winter warrior by using piles of snowballs to block legislation they oppose. Instead of long-winded speeches, they’d stand their ground armed with carefully packed snowballs, ready to defend their stance – literally. Opposing lawmakers would have to dodge an icy barrage to reach the floor.
3. MAGA Snowmen
Deck out your yard with snowmen wearing red hats and tiny American flags. Bonus points if you make one taller than your neighbor’s Biden snowman just to assert dominance.
4. Melted snow (water) For Everyone
In the spirit of fairness and equity for all Americans, why not turn your backyard snow into a symbol of bipartisan generosity? The idea is simple yet profound: gather the snow from your yard, melt it down, and package the water into Ziploc baggies. Then, distribute this universal resource to everyone – regardless of political leanings, sex, gender, race, ethnicity, age or religion.
5. Snow Forts for the Homeless
To address America’s housing crisis – largely exacerbated by what most see as an unchecked influx of illegal aliens – why not put winter’s abundance of snow to practical use? The idea is simple: construct snow forts on public property as temporary shelters for those in need. With a little creativity and some good old-fashioned elbow grease, these icy structures could provide a cold-weather stopgap for America’s homeless population.
6. Trump Statues
What’s a better idea than a snow-Trump? A YUGE, larger-than-life Trump statue right in your front yard! Imagine towering snow-crafted hair swoops, a perfectly sculpted tie, and a hand poised for iconic gestures. It’s not just a snowman – it’s a snow statement. And your local officials can’t take it down like they can your 2016, 2020 and 2024 Trump yard signs.