If Kamala Harris is serious about scooping up the male vote, she’ll need to channel her inner “bro whisperer” with a playbook as bold as a 4th-quarter Hail Mary pass. Think less “Yes, we can” and more “Yes, we keg.” From free beers to mandatory golf days, she needs a whole new agenda that’s aimed to woo the guys in record time – or at least before they switch the channel to ESPN. Because let’s be honest, winning over the dudes might require more than policy tweaks; it might need a national bacon holiday.
Free Beer Fridays for Men – Nothing says “I care about your vote” like a cold one on the house. Kamala could declare every Friday a national holiday where the only requirement is a Y chromosome and a thirst for beer. Or if you are into the whole “equity” thing, just SAY that you have a Y chromosome.
Mandatory Golf Days – Institute a law requiring all men to take at least one day off each month for a round of golf, preferably if it happens to be on the day they are supposed to clean out the garage or fix the lawn mower.
Free Oil Changes for Life – Because real men want the basics covered.
“Get Out of the Doghouse” Cards – Issue government-issued get-out-of-trouble cards for when guys inevitably forget an anniversary or birthday or skip doing the laundry.
“Tailgate Tuesdays” – Make it legal to set up a grill and cooler in every office parking lot on Tuesdays. Grilling and chilling on company time? Yes, please.
Free Lawn Care Equipment – Promise every guy a top-of-the-line riding lawnmower (non-electric), complete with a built-in cooler.
Sports Betting Tax Deductions – Allow losses on sports bets to be a deductible on tax returns. If you’re gonna lose, you might as well get a refund for it. Why should the college kids get all of the tax breaks?
Year-Round Hunting Season – Open up every season for deer, duck, or whatever’s moving in the backyard. A win for men and overpopulated forests.
Free BBQ for a Year – Offer a year’s supply of brisket, ribs and pulled pork. How could you go wrong with that?
National “No Honey-Do List” Week – Ban chores for men for a week every month, allowing dudes to nap on the couch as much as possible.
Lifetime subscription to ESPN – The quickest route to a man’s vote is through his remote control.
A National “Bacon Day” – Declare one day a year to be a bacon-only holiday: no vegetables allowed, no questions asked. Bacon for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Mandatory “Man Cave” Upgrades: Kamala could offer tax credits for essential man-cave renovations: bigger TVs, more recliners, and a mini-fridge stocked with snacks. Think of it as “stimulus” for dudes.
Fee Tickets to NFL Games – This doesn’t need to be explained.
And the most important…
Quit killing babies, quit destroying the economy, quit letting illegal aliens invade the country and quit letting men in women’s sports and bathrooms!!!