On Tuesday, pagers, reportedly fitted with explosive batteries, went off simultaneously, taking out key operatives in blasts in the Middle East. According to intelligence insiders, the pagers weren’t just relics of a bygone era – they were ticking time bombs, reportedly designed by Israeli spies using a Hungarian shell company as cover.

While Hezbollah thought they were evading phone tracking, they instead found themselves…indisposed.

It’s no secret that Hezbollah has been wary of cell phones, with their leader Nasrallah himself advising supporters to bury their smartphones deep in iron boxes. He was right to be paranoid, but unfortunately for him, the “safe” pager alternative turned out to be a little too hot to handle.

The result? Mass chaos and carnage as the devices exploded in their strongholds, reportedly killing 12 and injuring nearly 3,000. Talk about having your communications backfire – literally.

And just when Hezbollah thought they could rest easy, Wednesday brought another round of explosive surprises. This time, it was their walkie-talkies – probably also picked for their “safety” – that started to pop like firecrackers. Over 20 were killed, with hundreds more injured, leaving many in Lebanon reeling and looking for body parts they might never get back.

So who’s behind this pager-gone-bomb? Reports suggest Israeli intelligence agencies pulled off the scheme by setting up a Hungarian company, BAC Consulting, as a front. But don’t ask the CEO for details – Cristiana Bársony-Arcidiacono, BAC’s head honcho, is doing her best “Who, me?” impression, claiming her company is just the middleman.

Well, middleman or not, it seems BAC had a hand (or at least a finger on the detonator) in supplying Hezbollah’s favorite new gadgets with a deadly twist.

Hezbollah, understandably, is fuming and pointing fingers at Israel, swearing revenge. But before Nasrallah gets too worked up, perhaps he should take a closer look at his procurement department. When you’re buying discontinued 2-way radios and mystery-brand pagers, maybe it’s worth checking for explosive add-ons.

With Israel remaining tight-lipped on the matter, the world is left to speculate about what comes next. Israeli Defense Force officials have cryptically hinted that there are more tricks up their sleeve, suggesting this might be just the beginning of a takedown that leaves Hezbollah perpetually one button press away from disaster.

Notably, since the beginning of this story, no one has accused the U.S. of having anything to do with this explosive masterpiece. Why? Because it’s hard to imagine Biden and Harris masterminding anything more complicated than finding the TV remote. If this operation proves anything, it’s that when it comes to outsmarting terrorists, competence is key – and let’s just say, that key is clearly not in Washington’s pocket. Not to mention, they are just WAAAAAAY too busy using all of their spying resources on former President Donald J. Trump.