In an interview with 81-year old President Joe Biden about whether he should be running for re- election and what it would take to get him to stand aside, old man Joe told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos it would take intervention from the “Lord almighty.”
In fact, Joe’s exact quote is as follows: “If the Lord Almighty came down and said, ‘Joe, get out of the race,’ I’d get out of the race…The Lord Almighty’s not coming down.”
Well, George Burns is pretty close to the Lord Almighty having played “God” in several movies in the ‘70s and ‘80s. And even though Burns died in 1996, that didn’t stop the two old geezers from having a conversation recently about Joe’s current situation…
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George Burns: Joe, my friend, it’s great to see you. I haven’t seen you since…well, since the last century, I think.
President Biden: George, you old rascal. I think you might be right. What brings you here? Haven’t seen you since you were cracking jokes on stage about thirty years ago.
George Burns: Joe, I’ve been keeping an eye on things from up here in paradise. Let me tell you, it’s a lot easier to keep an eye on your watch when you’re not wearing a watch.
President Biden: (laughs) You’ve still got it, George. So, what’s on your mind?
George Burns: Well, Joe, let’s talk turkey. Or maybe prune juice. At our age, that’s probably more appropriate.
President Biden: Alright, George, lay it on me.
George Burns: Joe, you and I both know age is just a number, but yours is a pretty high number. And I know about getting old. I mean, I remember when dirt was clean. And here we are, a couple of relics, trying to stay relevant, some of us more alive than others.
President Biden: Let me be clear…I hear you, George. It’s been quite a journey.
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George Burns: Journey? Joe, it’s been an epic. But here’s the thing, even the longest-running shows need a finale. And Joe, you’ve been on quite a run. Maybe it’s time for a graceful exit before people start thinking you’re on a loop.
President Biden: A loop, huh? Well, I do sometimes feel like I’m living the same day over and over, getting yelled at about the same things, having people give me orders about what to eat, what to say and where to walk.
George Burns: Exactly, Joe. Look, you’ve done a lot. You’ve faced the music, you’ve danced the dance. But the band’s getting tired, and so are you. Don’t you think it’s time to pass the baton?
President Biden: Passing the baton, huh? After all, I’m the best guy to do just about everything. It’s a big decision, George.
George Burns: Sure it is. But think of it this way. Do you want to be remembered as the guy who knew when to take a bow, or the guy who tripped over his own feet trying to stay on stage?
President Biden: When you put it that way, it’s hard to argue.
George Burns: Exactly. Besides, retirement isn’t so bad. You get to wake up whenever you want, complain about the weather, and yell at kids to get off your lawn. You know, the dream. President Biden: I already do most of that.
George Burns: See, you’re halfway there! Seriously though, Joe, you’ve earned a rest. You’ve done your bit. You’ve made enough money for your family, you’ve made enough corrupt deals, you’ve done enough damage to the country…Now is the time to let someone else take the spotlight. You can still be the wise old sage, just without the stress of being the main act.
President Biden: Wise old sage, huh? I like the sound of that. You know, George, you make a compelling argument. Maybe it is time to let the next generation take over. Maybe I’m not the only one who can defend the Oval Office from the likes of Orange Man Bad and save democracy.
George Burns: That’s the spirit, Joe. Step down, enjoy life, and keep making those grandkids laugh while you sniff their hair. You’ve earned it. And remember, if you ever get bored, there’s always a spot in my heavenly comedy club.
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President Biden: I’ll keep that in mind, George. Thanks for the talk. You always know how to put things in perspective.
George Burns: That’s what I’m here for, Joe. Now, go out there and show them how to exit with style. And remember, no tripping over your feet.
President Biden: I’ll do my best, George. No joke.
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