The jig is up. The lie is uncovered. The charade is exposed. The secret is out. The illusion has shattered. The game is over.
The Democrat populace (and everyone else) now knows the truth. After old man Joe’s disastrous showing at the debate against former president Donald J. Trump, they can now see what the Democratic politicians and lying media has been hiding from them: Joe Biden has no business being the Democratic presidential nominee, let alone president.
Because the Democrats decided long ago that old man Dementia Joe was their best shot for another victory against Orange Man Bad, they didn’t “allow” other candidates to run against him. With Obama and his team firmly in control, using Biden as their frontman, they have been determined to avoid any disruption that might threaten their grip on power.
But now their lies have been revealed and EVERYONE knows that Biden isn’t actually running the country. Or at least, after his catastrophic debate performance, we can only HOPE he isn’t running the country. Can you imagine if he was?! Yikes!
So what’s a Democratic Party to do when they have a candidate that is SO bad that no amount of election rigging and cheating can probably can’t save him? A plethora of Democrats are openly talking about giving Biden the boot now after his horrible debate performance. Kicking him to the curb. Saying “adios” to the old senile white man. Sending him packing. Or as Trump says, “You’re Fired!!!”
So with Joe Biden stumbling through his presidency like a drunkard in a funhouse, whispers of replacements are fluttering around like confetti at a parade. The problem is…it is going to be difficult to get rid of Biden and his power-hungry wife, Dr. Jill. They probably won’t go voluntarily.
But the Democrats have to TRY because they were already dealing with plummeting poll numbers and now they have the specter of electoral doom, I’ve been brainstorming with my political consultants (my terrier and my orange kitty) on ideas to salvage their sinking ship. Here we go…
1. Biden 2.0, the Clone
Imagine a world where science fiction meets Oval Office ambition. The Democrats, faced with the reality that Joe Biden is too sleepy and creepy to be president, should turn to cutting-edge biotechnology. The solution? Clone Joe Biden.
Yes, that’s right. They can commission a top-secret lab deep in the bowels of Silicon Valley (with the help of Anthony Fauci and China of course) to create a younger, sharper, and more coherent version of good ol’ Uncle Joe. Picture a Biden who doesn’t confuse his wife for his sister, or one who can finish a sentence without digressing into tales of CornPop or hairy legs.
2. Celebrity Substitution: The Rock for President!
Yes, it’s going to be difficult to replace Biden by skipping over VP Kamala Harris, the first woman, the first Black American, and the first South Asian American VP. So the Dems need to find someone really really really popular so that Democrat voters won’t care that they skipped over Harris.
Democrats have lots of choices to consider in this category: How about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? Or Taylor Swift? Will Smith or Tom Hanks? Maybe Oprah? Political experience is not needed for the top of the Democratic ticket – just empty promises and popularity. That is, after all, how Obama became president.
3. Time Travel
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Desperate times call for desperate measures, and what’s more desperate than bending the fabric of space and time? Democrats, eager to resurrect the glory days of yesteryear, should explore the possibility of bringing back historical figures to lead the nation.
Maybe a holographic Abraham Lincoln who is now a Democrat, delivering speeches on racial equality, reparations and DEI policies?
4. Artificial Intelligence
In a nod to our AI overlords, Democrats should contemplate a radical shift towards a digital presidency. Who needs a human president when you can have Siri? Imagine a world where policy decisions are made by algorithms, State Department briefings are conducted via Zoom calls with Alexa, and the national anthem is remixed by DJ Google. While Siri might struggle with foreign accents and Elon Musk’s social media rants, at least she won’t forget where she left her dentures.
5. The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Survivor: Oval Office Edition
This is my favorite choice. Facing plummeting ratings and a disenchanted electorate, Democrats should turn the 2024 election into the ultimate reality TV spectacle. They should come up with 20 different Democrat contenders and put them on an island with no cell phones or internet service. Challenges would include actually answering questions about law and the Constitution. They would also be involved in team-building exercises to would solve the challenges of climate change, inflation and racial inequality.
Viewers could vote via text message to decide who gets impeached each week. It’s democracy meets Survivor, with a twist of political intrigue and plenty of product placement. It would be epic! Far more exciting than anything the Democrats will actually come up with between now and November.
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