Get ready for the nursing home smackdown of the century: Trump vs. Biden, Round Two. Yes, folks, it’s time for another face-off between these two golden oldies. Expect more drama than a bingo hall brawl and more hot air than an overinflated hospital bed.
The BIGLY event of the year.
This is the big one (or the BIGLY one as Trump would say), where the fate of the nation hangs in the balance – or so the political pundits all tell us. But don’t fret, CNN’s got our back, making sure it’s as “fair” as a rigged card game at the senior center, bending over backward to keep Biden from looking like he’s forgotten where he is again.
Debate rules.
With muted mics, no audience, and a playbook full of new rules, the leftist media folks are practically tucking old man Biden in for a cozy nap right there on stage. All the president has to do is stay conscious, avoid wandering off mid-sentence, and keep that caffeine IV drip flowing. If he manages that, it’s a total “win” for the left.
The contenders.
In one corner, we’ve got a former prez and current courtroom frequenter, convicted felon Donald J. Trump. His hair alone could qualify for historical landmark status. In the other corner, there’s the unconvicted felon, otherwise known as Old Joe – or “What’s my name again?” Biden, the human gaffe generator.
Still on the fence about who to back? Then you must be living under a rock, or perhaps a very sturdy orthopedic mattress. Seriously, who’s undecided at this point? This debate isn’t for any “undecideds” to decide. It’s just pure entertainment.
Biden: He offers SOOOOOO much!
So let’s break down the “goodies” each candidate is offering. According to the latest buzz on Grandma’s Facebook feed (because where else would you get your news?), a vote for Biden gets you higher inflation, higher gas prices, and higher living expenses across the board. Yes, at this point, buying avocado toast has turned into a Wall Street investment strategy under the Biden presidency.
And that’s not all! You’re also signing up for more crime, more illegal aliens, and more wars. Plus, get ready for fewer freedoms and more IRS audits. Oh, and don’t forget the classics: more abortions, more crimes, and more chaos, all courtesy of the Democratic agenda of being soft on crime and letting the entire third world into the U.S. across our open borders.
Trump’s MAGA agenda.
On the other hand, Trump is pushing his trusty MAGA agenda – “Make America Great Again.” It’s a recycled campaign slogan that the Democrats are clearly NOT on board with – because what Democrat actually wants America to be great??!
So, as you settle in for what’s sure to be the most-watched verbal brawl since the last argument over the remote at Shady Pines, remember this: no matter who comes out on top, we, the viewers, are the real “winners.” We get the thrill of watching these two silver-haired titans battle it out on live TV, armed with what will most likely be a plethora of sound bites and a cornucopia of empty promises.
Buckle up, America. The future of our nation might just hinge on this debate. Or maybe not. Who can tell anymore?